Lots of Nothing

Hey Internets… I haven’t posted in a long time. Because I’m very tired, completely discouraged, and have next to zero motivation. I hate everything I draw. I hate everything I paint. When I’m not drawing or painting, or working, I am trying to think of something – anything to fill the time so I won’t have to dwell on what a complete failure I am. Head trash… it’s all head trash. But… its real.

It’s really fucking real.

I have been drawing a lot, trying my best to improve my understanding of perspective. And, I’ve been spending some time in the mornings sitting at the sliding glass doors, watching the squirrels eat sunflower seeds.

I don’t have much to say, but I do want to continue to document my attempt to be a better watercolorist, so here are some photos of the things I’ve been drawing/painting in the past few weeks.

Absolutely none of this is here because it’s good. Quite the contrary. This is all art that is absolute shit, but it’s what I’m making right now. I feel awful right now, and it shows in the shit I paint and draw. I am not proud of anything I do or create. I am not fishing for compliments, I am just being transparent. I feel like a complete talentless hack – and I want to give up. I am now in the fourth year of painting with watercolors, and I suck at it – I suck hard. How poetic.

Anyway – if you looked in my sketchbook right now, you would see shit like this. In all sincerity, I deeply hope that later I look back on this and laugh because future me is so much better than this.

Please God… let me get better than this.